3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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