Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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