he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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