Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
