You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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