I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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