"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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