If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
