Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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