I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
drinking out of a sandbucket again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
