Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
