Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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