Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
