Nicole vs. Life
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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