I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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