dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
