i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
