I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
