How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
