Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
