i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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