it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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