dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
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Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I love you. Go after that dick
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers