i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
