he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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