So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
