I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
