last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
