I got chris browned last night
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
