I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
