I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
