Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
