how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
