Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
