He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
