Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize