Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
