Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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