I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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