you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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