That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
