he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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