i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We were destined to go to rehab together
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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