Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
