maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
