I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
