that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
