i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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