hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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