I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
