and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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