All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
