Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
