You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
