i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
wow bdsm is so cute
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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