everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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