you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
