so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
