I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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