omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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