Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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