Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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