Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
