We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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