Apparently you make a good broom.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
