I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
