I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
