I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're a waste of cheezeits
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
