considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
