My hand turned me down
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
