I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
