I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
