I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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