Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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